Being nice is actually not nice at all! Organizations that nurture a “nice” culture ultimately will struggle. I have seen this time and time again. First. let’s be clear on what I mean by nice. I mean in the overall generic sense of being nice to people, not making them feel bad and avoiding uncomfortable moments. I do not mean treating people with respect, acknowledging their humanity and being fair with them. This is much more than nice.
The main reasons companies choose to lead with nice is that the leaders in charge tend to be really good people and want to do their employees right. And they just have an overall compassion and caring for human beings. This happens often in small- midsized growing companies. These types of leaders gravitate to these companies to avoid the inhumanity we often see in larger companies (See my upcoming podcast Work Trauma: How Companies Really Work.) And this is generally the case. The other scenario where nice takes the lead in companies is when there are weak leaders in charge who shy away from giving feedback and the tough conversations needed to move to a high-performing culture.
In fact, being nice never ends well for anyone. Recently I was consulting a company at their yearly executive retreat. At one point, the team spoke about lingering issues. Why is something lingering? If there are lingering issues that have not been fully addressed, it is not just holding the company back but fomenting bad feelings between people over time. The clearest example of this at this meeting was when the subject of a particular department that was severely underperforming came up. Early in the conversation, it was made clear that this function was critical to success. It was also clear that the folks in this team were severely underperforming. So how did the conversation go? Well, this is a particularly nice company with sincerely nice and good people, so the conversation talked around the reality of things and what had to be done for 30 mins until I could not take it anymore and asked what the heck was going on. One of the executives committed that they all knew what needed to be done but they were avoiding that issue because they are nice people.
In another organization, there was a worker who came on early to the company when it was starting up, but whose skillsets were not keeping up with the organization. Out of niceness and loyalty everyone turned away from this reality to be nice. But remember, nice always leads to ugly and cruel. You see, many people were starting to build resentment towards this person for letting the company down in many instances. And because she was not getting effective feedback, she thought she was doing just fine. How do you think this ends? In time, the anger gets magnified, and this person is let go thinking they have been unfairly blindsided and there are bad feelings abounding from everyone involved in the situation. Not nice at all.
Recently an executive I was working with was in a pickle as he fell into the nice trap. Truly a great person, and super intelligent leader with strong drive. But the nice-thing crept into his orientation to his reports. This was fully revealed when he mentioned that he expected his reports to work as hard and in the same manner as he does. But they were not. And the truth was, it was not an expectation he had of them or set with them; it was an assumption. He assumed they had the same drive, smarts and savvy as him. And this was his big mistake. Of course, never Assume as is makes a etc… Thusly he needed to recalibrate with his reports by being crystal clear of their expectations. Instead of assuming things would work because he was nice enough to give them the benefit of the doubt, it was his responsibility to be clear on roles, responsibilities, expectations and standards. A key activity for a manager is to clearly describe what success looks like, coach to this bar and hold people accountable to this standard.
Listen, if you must deal with an issue of an underperforming employee, being ACTUALLY nice is giving feedback, documenting it so it is clear what needs to improve and the person understands the severity of the situation. In all my years in business I have never seen a problem magically get better. And please note if someone is not making it, it does not mean that you should kick them to the curve. There are other options such as finding them a better suited role in the company. And if you need to exit them, treat them well and with dignity with a fair and appropriate exit strategy.
Leaders that are too nice tend to not to trust their instincts and hesitate on the proper action in the name of being nice. Which means there will be a lack of follow-through and the problem will still be there. This is a very weak way to manage people and processes.
Creating a nice or nice only culture in an organization as opposed to a high performing culture leads to:
- And undisciplined and complacent workforce. With little burning fire and drive, things become laissez-faire. It becomes the culture of “don’t worry, it’s OK, things will work out and I certainly do not want to hurt your feelings by having a tough conversation.” It a good sign when your reports are angry and upset, if they lost a deal, did not meet numbers or failed to ‘win.’
- A culture that lacks the ability to have tough conversations and give feedback, constructive or otherwise, can never be high performing.
- A seedbed for building resentment, frustration and anger particularly among your high performers.
At the heart of high -performing culture is clarity on your job, giving and receiving feedback, and on-time accountability. Receiving feedback is at the center of getting better. Without feedback you will just assume you are doing great. Ultimately without feedback you will wither (humans do like feedback more than you think.) never improve and cruise along. Not giving feedback is cruel. Have you ever had a manager give you feedback way after the fact when if they gave it early on you could have adjusted and provided a better outcome—that’s cruel. How about letting someone get on stage to give a presentation to 300 people with a giant piece of broccoli in their teeth without telling them—cruel.
As I keep stressing, being nice never ends well. I was consulting an amazing international architecture firm. And they had a strong culture that sometimes dribbled into the nice culture style. And when things are going great, nice seems to work. In reality though, It is not really working; it is just that high revenues can cover up a myriad of issues. So, when the economy took adown turn, i.e., the you know what hits the fan, the company quickly deteriorated into Survivor Island. Because they had not fully developed an accountability and feedback culture, much time was wasted on pointing fingers, posturing and forming alliances instead of developing a plan forward. It was not pretty.
Solutions: Yes, be nice, caring and respectful AND
- Set clear expectations and standards
- Give Feedback (positive and constructive) Let it flow.
- Hold people Accountable—- Trust but verify
- Fight against complacency
I know there are a lot of gurus who will say, if you only treat your people well, coach them and help them achieve their goals they will work extra hard for you. In my experience this has not been the case as it is incomplete. This approach sounds great but really is too pollyannaish. Often some employees in this type of environment start to take advantage of the niceness. They lose the fire in their belly and often will start to coast- and who could blame them. And when things turn bad things get ugly fast. Always thinking the company will love employees know matter what is 1- delusional, particularly in a downturn 2- evaporates a key competency of acting with urgency and with fire in the belly to WIN. If a business starts to lose more than win, be ready for bankruptcy.